College
Humor
From Tom Antion & Associates
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It is always darkest . . . just before you flunk a test.
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the directions:
"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom. For 95 points, tell me WHICH tire it was!"
SYMPTOMS OF SEMESTER BURNOUT
1. When your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the cookie monster song (C is for cookie, that's good enough for me...)
2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% on the final to pass than you have actually spent studying.
3. When you are swamped with homework and spend your time making up a list like this.
4. When you start showering after class rather than before.
5. The test papers are no longer worthy of the fridge door.
6. When the campus drunk tells you you should study more.
7. When your favorite paperweight says "Sierra Nevada - Pale Ale"
8. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you to make it through Monday.
9. When your absence exceeds your attendance.
10. When your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test.
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."
A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the heck out of college students!"
Before I came to college, I wish I had known . . .
- that it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd sleep right through it
- that I would change so much and barely realize it
- that you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways
- that college kids throw airplanes, too
- that if you wear polyester everyone will ask you why you're so dressed up
- that every clock on campus shows a different time
- that if you were smart in high school - so what?
- that I would go to a party the night before a final
- that you can know everything and yet fail a test
- that you can know nothing and ace a test
- that most of my education would be obtained outside my classes
- that friendship is more than getting drunk together
- that I would be one of those people my parents warned me about
- that free food served at 10:00 is gone by 9:50
- that psychology is really biology, biology is really chemistry, chemistry is really physics, and physics is really math
- that I really wouldn't be with that high school (boy/girl)friend for the rest of my life
- that dorms can be both your lifeline and personal hell at the same time
- that beer would play an intricate role in my future
- how much I would miss my washer and dryer at home
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