Animal
Humor & Quotes
From Tom Antion & Associates
Make money pulling practical jokes
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Animals are such agreeable friends; they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.
--George Eliot 1819-1880 English Novelist.
Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.
--Kin Hubbard 1868-1930 American Newspaper Humorist.
The desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man
from animals.
--William Osler 1849-1919 Canadian writer and physician.
A boy is, of all wild beasts, the most difficult to manage.
--Plato 477-347 bc Greek Philosopher.
Man is a two-legged animal without feathers.
--Plato
Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to.
--Mark Twain.
Animals have these advantages over man: They have no theologians to instruct them,
their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts law suits over their wills.
--Voltaire 1694-1778 French political philosopher & Satirist.
Guy took a parrot to be auctioned. The highest bidder asked, "Are you sure this parrot talks?"Who do you think has been bidding against you for the last 10 minutes?
The rooster was so lazy when the other roosters crowed he just nodded his head.
You can lead a horse to water . . . But if you can get him to float on his back then you’ve got something.
Widowed mother chicken was having a hard time controlling her chicks. If you father could see you now he would roll over in his gravy.
Kids: Why did the chicken cross the road. It was the Turkey’s day off.
If animals had reason they would act just as ridiculous as we do.
--Josh Billings
The ability to make love frivolously is the chief characteristic which distinguishes
human beings from beasts.
--Heywood Broun American Journalist & Columnist.
All animals except man know the principal business of life is to enjoy it.
--Samuel Butler 1835-1902 English Novelist & Satirist.
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly term with the victims he intends to
eat until he eats them.
--Samuel Butler
Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a
little pet for your face.
--Anita Wise
Swans sing before they dies;’twere no bad thing if certain persons dies before
they sing.
--Samuel Taylor Coleridge 1772-1834 English poet & philosopher and Literary critic.
