Real Estate Humor
From Tom Antion & Associates

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My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out he'd still be there
today if the Governor hadn't pardoned him.

Why do you have your front door leading right into the dining room? So my relatives won't have to waste any

The sellers told me their house was near the water. It was in the basement.

How much are they asking for your rent now? Oh, about twice a day.

I have a temporary mortgage. What do you mean temporary? Until they foreclose.

Realtor sign--We have "lots" to be thankful for.

Realtor: first you folks tell me what you can afford, then we'll have a good laugh and go on from there.

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We already have something that destroys people and leaves buildings intact. It's called a mortgage.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay.

I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn't been any maintenance.

Did you hear about Robin Hood's house? It has a little John.

My agent was always smiling. I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

Houses today don't have enough closet space. Sure they do. They're just called guest bedrooms.

Trivia: The floors of buildings are called stories because early European builders used to paint picture stories on
the sides of their houses. Each floor had a different story.

A lot of homes have been spoiled by inferior desecrators.--Frank Lloyd Wright

I bought a two story house. One story before I bought, and another after.

The house is only 5 minutes from shopping . . .if you've got an airplane.

This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a downpayment, get a 1st and 2nd
mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

Home is where the mortgage is.

A housewarming is the final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present

The best part of a real estate bargain is the neighbor.

The house was more covered with mortgages than with paint.

Home: A place when you go there they have to take you in.

Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

A man's home is his castle. That's how it seems when he pays taxes on it.

Housebroke--What you are after buying a house.

Sign next to FSBO-We shoot every third agent and the 2nd one just left.

This house has every new convenience except low payments.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.

They have an all electric home. Everything in it is charged.

My buyers want a new home on the outskirts---of their income, that is.

A Happy Home is a place where each spouse entertains the possibility that the other may be right though neither
believes it.

By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn't.

A Modern home is a place where a switch controls everything but the kids, and it has gadgets to do everything
except make the payments.

The house has a wall to wall carpet and back to wall payment.

A typical home has a TV set that is adjusted better than the kids.

House problem: The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids aren't.

Our new house has one down payment and 240 darn payments.

Homesickness What you feel every month when the mortgage is due.

What is Home?
A roof to keep out the rain. Four walls to keep out the wind. Floors to keep out the cold. Yes, but home is more
than that. It is the laugh of a baby, the song of a mother, the strength of a father. Warmth of living hearts, light
from happy eyes, kindness, loyalty, comradeship. Home is first school and first church for young ones, where
they learn what is right, what is good and what is kind. Where they go for comfort when they are hurt or sick.
Where joy is shared and sorrow eased. Where fathers and mothers are respected and loved. Where children are
wanted. Where the simplest food is good enough for kings because it is earned. Where money is not so
important as loving-kindness. Where even the teakettle sings from happiness. That is home. God bless it.
Ernestine Schumann-Heink



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